Wall Street crisis ends; wealth restored; Dowd what?

1994 - 0148 Vicky's Bellybutton

Image via Flickr

It was a busy, busy day for newshounds. First, the crisis on Wall Street came to a conclusive end. “I can’t believe our plan worked,” exclaimed Timothy Geithner. Geithner immediately resigned and joined Goldman Sachs as a senior advisor.

“Anyone who earns less than $250,000 and lost money in the last two years will get every single penny of their investments back. Plus, winners of a lottery will be moving into the vacation homes of Angelo Mozilo, John Thain (check out those bathrooms!) and Dick Fuld,” said a beaming President Obama.

But wait! This just in! Maureen Dowd, THE PULITZER-PRIZE WINNER FOR THE  NEW YORK TIMES HAS HICCUPPED! Can you spell p-l-a-g-i-a-i-a-r-s-i-s-m. No, I can’t. Maybe I can copy it from someplace.

Wait, a minute. Did you see the story about the heroic pilot who stayed in his stalled jet fighter in Afghanistan so he could avoid hitting a passenger plane (this story is true)?

Wait! The QUEEN OF SNARK 1.0 actually crossed the line into the world of 2.0 and liked what she saw so much she claimed it for her own.

Whoa, there. Excuse me, but Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu has agreed to evacuate the entire Israeli population to Montana and hand over the land to anyone who likes desert, stone sidewalks, and pilgrims.


Wait a minute, did you hear me? There were elections in India. The voters said…


I think the markets rallied today nearly 3%. Oh, and American Express is laying off 4,000 people.

Hey! I found my news navel.


One thought on “Wall Street crisis ends; wealth restored; Dowd what?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s