It was a busy, busy day for newshounds. First, the crisis on Wall Street came to a conclusive end. “I can’t believe our plan worked,” exclaimed Timothy Geithner. Geithner immediately resigned and joined Goldman Sachs as a senior advisor.
“Anyone who earns less than $250,000 and lost money in the last two years will get every single penny of their investments back. Plus, winners of a lottery will be moving into the vacation homes of Angelo Mozilo, John Thain (check out those bathrooms!) and Dick Fuld,” said a beaming President Obama.
But wait! This just in! Maureen Dowd, THE PULITZER-PRIZE WINNER FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES HAS HICCUPPED! Can you spell p-l-a-g-i-a-i-a-r-s-i-s-m. No, I can’t. Maybe I can copy it from someplace.
Wait, a minute. Did you see the story about the heroic pilot who stayed in his stalled jet fighter in Afghanistan so he could avoid hitting a passenger plane (this story is true)?
Wait! The QUEEN OF SNARK 1.0 actually crossed the line into the world of 2.0 and liked what she saw so much she claimed it for her own.
Whoa, there. Excuse me, but Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu has agreed to evacuate the entire Israeli population to Montana and hand over the land to anyone who likes desert, stone sidewalks, and pilgrims.
NYTIMES PRIZE-WINNER STEALS from the web!
Wait a minute, did you hear me? There were elections in India. The voters said…
NYTIMES! PRIZE WINNER! TPM!
I think the markets rallied today nearly 3%. Oh, and American Express is laying off 4,000 people.
Hey! I found my news navel.